Friday, November 29, 2013

MAKE DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS YOUR HATEFUL SOUNDTRACK FOR THE GAME EVERY YEAR

To get from Columbus, Ohio, to Ann Arbor, Michigan, you head north on High Street with a simmering hate until it burns into a full blown fury three hours later.

It's a tradition of derision handed down from generation to generation for more than 100 years.


The Dead Schembechlers are (L to R) bassist Bo Vicious, drummer
Bo Scabies, vocalist Bo Biafra and guitarist Bo Thunders.
It's been going on longer than the World Series. Its bad blood boils at temperatures only imagined by the Hatfields and McCoys, the Yankees and the Red Sox, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier.

This is Ohio State vs. Michigan.

This is The Game.

Its fans become foul-mouthed and mean-spirited while spewing vitriolic lore they will retell until the end of time.


Wolverine Destroyer
2005
The Dead Schembechlers wear their Block O hats of hate with pride.

They are the "Best Damn Punk Band in the Land."

They are the scarlet and gray defenders of all things Buckeye and Woody Hayes.

Their 2005 debut, Wolverine Destroyer and its 200H8 follow-up, Rodriguez To Ruin, are mostly punk songs you know with new lyrics you'll quickly understand.

The characters are real. You've seen them, loved them and loathed them. You've laughed at their follies and cried for the injustice of those victimized by the International Wolverine Conspiracy.

Rodriguez To Ruin
200H8
"We swore in blood on a stormy night to keep Ohio from the grasp of the evil Michiganites," the Dead Schembechlers declared on their self-titled theme song.

The Buckeye victories and heroes (Savior Woody, Ted Ginn, Mike Nugent) are toasted loudly. The Michigan shortfalls and goats (Mike Lantry, Rich Rodriguez, Chad Henne) are ridiculed even more raucously.

Many of the lyrics are not for the feint of heart. The Dead Schembechlers melodically drop the "F-bomb" as often as the Wolverines do passes.

Their most famous Hate Michigan Rally came on the day their ironic namesake, Woody's hated rival and best friend, Bo Schembechler, died in 2006, just before a No.1 vs. No.2 match-up in Ohio Stadium.

What began as a sold-out homage to The Game became twisted national news as a press conference was called to discuss whether or not a concert by the Dead Schembechlers should go on in light of the death of The Schembechler.

A "God Bless Bo" message was put on the Newport Music Hall marquee and, just as the 42-39 Ohio State victory lived up to the hype on Saturday, so did the concert the night before.

There was a touching toast to Bo before Watershed (three of the four Dead Schembechlers) opened for themselves as their Columbus rock war horse alter egos. Then, 1,800+ reveled in a blaze of scarlet lights with the Schembechlers in our bile for all things maize, blue and with an "M" for "Moron" on their hats.

The fallout from the concert and the game that followed will live in the Buckeye/Wolverine legend forever:

*After much debate over whether or not the teams should play in a rematch for the national championship, USC mauls Michigan in the Rose Bowl 32-18. Seven days later, Ohio State is obliterated 41-14 by a Florida team coached by previous OSU assistant and future head coach Urban Meyer.

*The following season, Ohio State heads back to the national championship game to lose to LSU 38-24, as the plot for SEC World Domination takes further hold.


Three Chords And A Cloud of Dust II
2007
*In 2007, Watershed releases Three Chords And A Cloud Of Dust II from their performance at the Hate Rally the year before. The tour to support the record is the jumping off point for the 2012 memoir by bassist Joe Oestreich, the incredible Hitless Wonder: A Life In Minor League Rock And Roll. In one of its few disappointments, there are no mentions of the Dead Schembechlers or the band's escapades as Buckeye super heroes.

*Also in 2007, HBO produces the documentary Michigan vs. Ohio State: The Rivalry, an in-depth view into the history of The Game. The 2006 Hate Rally footage and commentary from Bo Biafra are among its many highlights. It remains a multiple must-view every football season no matter which colors you sport.

*Michigan coach Lloyd Carr retires after the 2007 season and a 14-3 loss to Ohio State in Ann Arbor. He is replaced by Rich "Weasel" Rodriguez, who is three and out as the Michigan head man and 0-3 against the Buckeyes.

*In the International Wolverine Conspiracy's greatest victory, two of Ohio State's greatest Wolverine Destroyers - Jim Tressel and Terrell Pryor - are taken down in "Tattoo Gate." Tressel is forced to resign with a 9-1 record against Michigan and Pryor's senior season is sacrificed in the self-inflicted fallout. He leaves with a 3-0 tally in The Game.

*Before the 2011 season, Brady Hoke takes over the Wolverines, while Buckeye native son Luke Fickell does his best to steer the scarlet and gray in a one-year appointment. Michigan wins The Game 40-34 in Ann Arbor.

*The 2008 and 2010 editions of the Hate Rally are just as spirited, though held in smaller venues with slightly sloppier performances. In further evidence that the International Wolverine Conspiracy exists, the 2012 event was announced, then mysteriously cancelled. According to the Dead Schembechlers web site, Bo Biafra remains kidnapped and held at Camp GitMoeller for "Re-Education Through Wolverine Labor." Perhaps, no future indeed.

In 2012, Meyer returned to his Ohio roots with rock star credentials as the new Ohio State coach. At the time of this writing, his teams have yet to lose a game and stand at 23-0, including a 26-21 win over the Team Up North.

The wounded Wolverines are a woeful 15-9 in the same period and Hoke's hot seat is smoking. They are showing highlights of the 1969 upset of Ohio State in Ann Arbor for inspiration, as the point spread grows to 16 points in favor of the Buckeyes for Saturday's pending entry into the record books.

Even so, beware the International Wolverine Conspiracy in these strange times. A game against Michigan State is coming next week in the Big Ten Championship Game in Indianapolis and the Buckeyes could go 26-0 and not even play for a national title in that time frame. But, that's another story.

And, no matter what the records, The Game is the always the one that matters the most.

As Bo Biafra says, "When Wolverines surround you/Charge both ways just for luck/Cause it's not the size of the Buck in the fight/It's the size of the fight in the Buck."


A Dead Schembechlers Playlist for the "Family Tailgate"

While the Dead Schembechlers throw the F-Bomb and dirty Michigan jokes with deft accuracy, they also can be enjoyed at the family tailgate with this as your playlist from Wolverine Destroyer and Rodriguez To Ruin:

Dead Schembechlers
Bomb Ann Arbor Now
Bo For 24
I Peed In Ann Arbor's Water Supply
Tedd Ginn Did Everything
M Means Moron
I Don't Want To Go Up To Ann Arbor
Stukas Over 23
Good Gave Nugent's Toe To You
Schembechler Kicked My Crippled Dog
Wide Left: The Ballad Of Mike Lantry
Dead Schembechlers (Reprise)
O-H-I-O
Rodriguez I A Weasel
You Lost To Appalachian State
I'm So Bored With The SEC
Buckeye Surfer Girl
We Don't Give A Damn For The Whole State of Michigan
The Ann Arbor Chainsaw Massacre Christmas Song

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